


an open window

by aretes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, dotae best friends :'), some soul-searching, suho world domination
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:02:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23590525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aretes/pseuds/aretes
Summary: Jaehyun listens to the rain drip through the open window and onto his desk. He can’t find the rhythm in the rain’s pattering. Every time, right when Jaehyun thinks he’s got it, a raindrop crashes down, too heavy to hold on to the roof any longer. His papers are getting wet. Jaehyun closes his eyes.or: when Doyoung leaves and Jaehyun is empty
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 9
Kudos: 76





	an open window

_To be young and in love in New York City_

_To not know who I am but still know that I'm good long as you're here with me_

_To be drunk and in love in New York City_

_\- I Like Me Better, Lauv_

***

Jaehyun listens to the rain drip through the open window and onto his desk. He can’t find the rhythm in the rain’s pattering. Every time, right when Jaehyun thinks he’s got it, a raindrop crashes down, too heavy to hold on to the roof any longer. His papers are getting wet. Jaehyun closes his eyes.

***

When Johnny shuts the window with a sigh the next morning, Jaehyun watches him stoically, unmoving beneath the covers. 

Johnny holds up the soggy staff paper. “Your music got wet.”

“I know. It’s okay, it’s not like there was anything good on them anyways.”

Johnny purses his lips and nods. “You have a few more minutes before you gotta catch the subway.”

“I know.”

***

Jaehyun chews his bagel silently, watching Johnny dash around the apartment to shove his keys, wallet, and phone into his long winter coat. He almost laughs when Johnny has to catch himself on the counter, socks too slippery for the wooden floor. But when Johnny rushes out the door to catch the bus uptown, Jaeahyun only gives him a wan smile and a half-hearted wave.

Left alone in the silence, Jaehyun mindlessly washes the dishes, wipes down the counter, and brushes his teeth. He pauses to stare at his reflection in the mirror. Pale skin, flat eyes. Brown hair, but the roots are growing out. Jaehyun finds that he doesn’t particularly care.

***

It’s still raining outside. Jaehyun shakes his umbrella closed and ruffles his damp hair as he ducks inside the subway entrance. It’s late enough that there are more people streaming up than down the stairs, so Jaehyun almost has to push his way down. He feels like he floats through it all.

He glances at the clock once he arrives at the platform. 8:26. He’s going to be late, although, if he thinks about it, he can’t really ever be late. It’s not like he has actual hours at the studio. But recently Jaehyun prefers to stick to some semblance of routine. 

He wasn’t like this before - he’s reminded of that every time Johnny’s eyes flash with surprise when Jaehyun turns down a spontaneous offer to go out. But things have changed - he’s convinced that they’ve been changing for a long time.

***

Jaehyun has been sitting in his studio for hours, poking around on the keyboard, moving clips around the screen. They all sound the same. Flat. 

Jaehyun sighs and leans back in his chair, running his fingers through his hair. It flops back down lifelessly. Jaehyun picks up his guitar and plucks a few chords in his lap, but the melody still doesn’t feel right. Maybe it’s the beat. 

He knows it’s not the beat. He knows what it is, feels it every time he opens his mouth but fails to make a sound, so he leaves the oppressing tension of his studio in favor of finding Ten.

***

Ten’s in the middle of a piece when Jaehyun slips inside the practice room and slides down the side wall to watch him finish. 

When the music pounds to a halt, Ten thanks his dancers and walks over to Jaehyun as the staff filters out of the room. 

“What’s up my dude? Your song, like the one with the ocean sounds? It’s fantastic, we’re including it on this album.”

Jaehyun actually smiles at this, enough for his dimples to show. “Your choreography looks great too. When do you begin promoting?”

Ten groans as he stretches his legs in a straddle, leaning down on his forearms. “In about three weeks. Still have to record for your song and I think I want to choreograph to it too, later on, but my manager has to check with the company.”

Jaehyun nods, absentmindedly watching Ten twist his body into uncomfortable looking positions through the mirror. 

“How’s the new music coming along?” Ten asks.

Jaehyun rests his head back against the wall. “Same old. The new tracks haven’t really been working out, so I’ve been refining some old stuff.”

Ten hums in understanding and they fall into a comfortable silence before Ten speaks again. “Do you want me to help you with the vocals?” He lowers his voice to a hush. “Have you sang since he left?”

Jaehyun stiffens, looking down at his hands. He flattens his bracelets against his wrist. There’s a noticeable pause before he responds. “It’s alright, you should focus on preparing for your comeback. I’ll be fine.”

Ten seems to be searching for something when Jaehyun meets his eyes again. Resigned, he shrugs. “Alright, well I’m not terribly busy yet so just shout if you ever need me. I can also donate Kun or Xiaojun, they’re practically unemployed right now.”

Jaehyun lends him a close-lipped smile. “Thanks man. I have to go back to work now, but I’ll see you around. Good luck with practice.”

Ten waves as Jaehyun gets up, door clicking shut behind him.

 _Ten knows_ , Jaehyun thinks as he walks down the hallway towards the elevators. He’s told Ten about his creative block, and Ten’s somehow figured out the...other issue. Jaehyun touches his throat self-consciously. He knows he can’t go on like this, eventually he’ll run out of old samples to clumsily mold into sorry excuses for songs. He should really take up Ten’s offer, at least borrow Kun or Xiaojun’s voice, but it just doesn’t feel the same - it doesn’t feel right. 

Back in his studio, Jaehyun plays around on the keyboard some more. But no matter how long he plays or which instrument he picks up, he comes back to the same melody, sung by the same voice in his mind. 

When it’s late enough in the afternoon that Jaehyun can leave without feeling guilty, he saves his files even though he knows he’ll delete them the next day, slings his bag over his shoulder, and flips off the lights.

***

Johnny: _Hey, I’ll be home late, can you pick up dinner today?_

Jaehyun: _Sure._

It’s too early to buy anything yet, and Jaehyun doesn’t want to be back in his suffocating apartment, so he gets off the subway a stop early and heads to his favorite cafe. 

“Hyung! Long time no see!” Yang Yang grins as Jaehyun steps up to order. 

“Hey kid, just a small Americano today. How have you been?”

As Yang Yang rings up his order, he launches into a detailed explanation of how absolutely boring and useless his German professor is - “He’s not even getting the accent right! _I_ can teach better than him!” 

Jaehyun smiles softly. “Why are you even taking this class then?”

Yang Yang pouts. “I need a GPA boost if I want to get into med school.” His eyes suddenly light up as he hands Jaehyun his coffee. “Hey! Have you written anything recently?”

“Not really, but you know I’ll call you if I need you to rap.” Jaehyun takes a sip. He barely registers the bitterness anymore.

“Great!” Yang Yang beams. “I actually want to try composing too, if you have time can I send you a track I’ve been working on?”

“Sure. Come over any time, I’ll let you in the building.” It’s not like Jaehyun has anything better to do with his time.

“Really?” Yang Yang is practically bouncing from excitement. “You’re the best, hyung! I loved that song you wrote for uh, what’s his name again? The singer who won all the awards because of it? Anyways, I wanna see where the magic happens!”

Jaehyun reflexively clenches his fist at the mention of _that_ singer. The voice he couldn’t stop hearing everywhere for months, the melody he still finds himself circling back to in the studio each day.

“Hyung, do you have time tomorrow morning? I only have one class in the afternoon, and I can buy you lunch!”

Jaehyun can’t remember the last time he’s had anything other than a sandwich for lunch. “Sure. I’ll see you then.” 

***

It was a good idea to let Yang Yang come to the studio. His music actually has a lot of potential, and most importantly, it’s different enough from Jaehyun’s usual material that Jaehyun’s completely absorbed. 

“Can you try that line again? Make it more aggressive.”

Yang Yang records again and Jaehyun nods, satisfied.

“Hyung, do you think it’d be good if we added another layer to the chorus?”

“Let’s try that. Can you also sing the harmony for the last two lines?”

When Yang Yang finishes recording, he goes out to buy their lunches and Jaehyun pieces the recordings together. It’s really good, he thinks. He hasn’t been this excited about a song in a while.

“Yang Yang, this has a lot of potential.” Jaehyun says earnestly as he munches on his burger. 

Yang Yang practically glows from Jaehyun’s compliment. “You really think so?”

“Your ideas are...very novel and refreshing. And you’re a great rapper too, it’s a shame you’re so dead set on med school.”

Yang Yang looks up shyly. “I’ve actually been thinking of creating a mixtape or a few singles, it’s something I’ve wanted to do for a while.”

“I’d be happy to help you.” Jaehyun says immediately, to his own surprise. He means it when he says, “Not as a composer or producer, but as a fan, I’d really like to see what you come up with.”

***

When Johnny comes back to their apartment, takeout in hand, he’s surprised to see Jaehyun with his headphones on, peering intently at his laptop. For the past few weeks, Jaehyun’s seemed empty, mindlessly watching shows he doesn't even like and never bringing his work home anymore. Their apartment, well-known for being noisy between Jaehyun’s late-night composing and Johnny’s parties, had been silent for too long.

“Earth to Jaehyun.” Johnny laughs when Jaehyun jerks his head back, slamming it into the wall behind him. 

“C’mon man,” Jaehyun scowls, rubbing the back of his head, “Did you really need to put your face so close to me?”

Seeing the corners of Jaehyun’s mouth twitch upwards, Johnny pats Jaehyun’s cheek. “Trying to soak up your handsomeness.” Jaehyun’s dimple appears.

“So, what’s gotten you so excited all of a sudden?” Johnny finally asks, picking a piece of orange chicken out of Jaehyun’s box.

“You know Yang Yang? The college kid that works at that cafe?” 

Johnny nods.

“He raps for my guides sometimes, and he showed me some music he’s been working on. He’s really good.”

Johnny raises his eyebrow. “Damn, that’s high praise coming from the great Jung Jaehyun himself. Maybe I should look into him.”

Jaehyun shrugs. “He’s a pre-med student but good luck.”

“So was Haechan.”

“True, but don’t you regret scouting him every time he sees you at the company building?”

“I don’t understand why the kid still thinks I’ll always buy him food, he’s signed a contract now.”

***

A week later, Jaehyun is directing Ten as he records the last song on his album. 

“Jae, is the harmony for this section right?”

“Yeah you’re close, ‘go’ needs to be a bit higher.”

Ten records again, but he’s still just a bit shy of the pitch.

“Closer, but still flat.” Jaehyun sings the note to him and Ten repeats until he’s right on.

“Ok, let’s record now.”

By the time Ten’s finished recording, it’s almost 2 am. Jaehyun busts out the beers from his mini fridge and hands one to Ten, who’s sitting on the couch, smiling despite the late hour.

“Jae, didn’t you notice something?”

Jaehyun swallows, the alcohol burning its way down after such a long time. “Your singing has improved?”

Ten rolls his eyes. “No. You sang.”

“I did?” Jaehyun blinks, confused. He did, he realizes, but he thought it’d be more momentous than this. The hole in his chest had felt so empty but he didn’t even notice that it’d closed.

Ten tackles him with a hug and flashes his million-dollar smile, the one plastered on ads all over the city. “Cheers, the great Jung Jaehyun is back!”

***

Later, in his room, illuminated only by the moonlight, Jaehyun places his hand over his chest. It’s started to rain again, but the window is closed this time. The staff paper is still empty. Jaehyun still feels hollow, but he can feel the wound knitting itself back together, little by little.

***

The next morning, Jaehyun plods into the kitchen and is greeted by Johnny wearing an apron. Jaehyun rubs his eyes. When he opens them, Johnny is still standing by the stove, with a plate of pancakes in hand. 

“Ten told me what happened! Congratulations!”

Jaehyun groans and plops down on a barstool. “It’s not like I won the Olympics or something, I’m literally doing my job.”

“Yeah, but let’s be honest, you’ve been kinda shitty at doing your job since, well you know. I thought our great music machine was broken.” Johnny slides him the plate of pancakes, now topped with strawberries. 

“Well maybe I still am,” Jaehyun grumbles, drowning his pancakes in syrup.

“Anyways, you know Ten’s new album drops on Saturday. He’s holding a sort of pre-release party tomorrow and wants us to come.”

Seeing Jaehyun open his mouth to protest, Johnny holds up his hand. “Before you turn him down, I’m going to remind you that you either wrote or produced half of his album and that it would be professional courtesy to attend. Also he rented out an entire club just so we could all get drunk and not make 8 am news.”

Jaehyun sighs. “Fine. I better not have to pay.”

Johnny snorts. “As if you even care about money anymore.”

***

Jaehyun really regrets being here. Ten is too drunk to notice his presence anymore, Johnny is nowhere to be found - probably being held up with all the over-gracious rookies he originally scouted, and Jaehyun can’t do this sober so he’s already nursing his fourth drink. And worst of all, they’re playing his music, all the overplayed stuff he wrote before he fell into his slump. 

“I’m tired of this music,” he mumbles into his drink.

“What’s wrong with it?” The bartender asks, smiling kindly as he cleans a glass.

“Old. Overplayed.”

“Well don’t complain about it, you’re getting royalties by the minute,” a new voice chimes in, sliding onto the stool next to Jaehyun. “Just a martini for me please,” he directs towards the bartender.

Jaehyun looks up to see a jawline that could cut, before his new companion turns to meet him with dark, kind eyes. 

“Long time no see, Jaehyun,” Taeyong greets, “How are you doing?”

 _Fuck,_ Jaehyun thinks, _just when I thought it couldn’t get worse_. “I’m fine, you?”

“I’ve been good.” Taeyong smiles sweetly at the bartender, who winks before handing him his drink. “Getting the company started has been tough though, and being a CEO is definitely harder than just being a manager. But it’s worth it. We’re all very happy.”

“That’s great to hear,” Jaehyun replies half-heartedly, frantically thinking of ways to escape. If Taeyong was here, _he_ was definitely here too.

“Yeah, Doyoung’s been doing really well since Blue was released too. You both did an amazing job with that song, it’s still being played all over the city!” Taeyong beams, full of warmth.

And there’s the inevitable. Doyoung. 

Jaehyun hates it here. He hates that song. He hates how even the slightest mention of Doyoung is like an anchor pulling him down, drowning him.

“Sorry, I have to go to the bathroom.” Jaehyun stands up abruptly.

“Oh okay, it was nice seeing you again!” Taeyong calls as Jaehyun pushes through the crowd, flashing lights blurring the faces.

“Was that Jaehyun?” a soft melodic voice asks.

“Yeah, it seems like he has a lot on his mind,” Taeyong says, turning to face the newcomer, his forehead wrinkling with worry. “I hope he’s okay.”

“I’ll check on him,” Doyoung says softly, and slips after Jaehyun into the crowd.

***

Jaehyun actually does end up in the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the surprisingly clean mirror. Pale skin, flat eyes. He’s re dyed his hair, this time a pure black.

The bathroom door swings open smoothly, and Jaehyun turns on the faucet, pretending to wash his hands. When he looks back up he freezes. In the mirror, Doyoung stands placidly by the door, gazing at Jaehyun. 

Jaehyun slowly turns off the tap. Forces himself to inhale and look away before reaching for a paper towel. Carefully dries his hands and turns around slowly. Jaehyun draws his eyes up - black jeans, white shirt, too-big denim jacket - before finally meeting Doyoung’s eyes. They’re as soft as ever, and still hiding that quiet, inimitable strength. The flashing lights from the club seep into the white bathroom. _He has black hair again,_ Jaehyun thinks hazily, _and are those blue streaks?_

“Jaehyun.” Doyoung’s voice pulls him back, convinces him that this is real. “Are you okay?”

 _No_ , Jaehyun wants to whisper, to scream it out. _I haven’t been okay since you left._ But that sounds desperate, even for Jaehyun, so he smiles thinly and says, “Yeah, just needed a breather.”

Doyoung’s eyes are unreadable. “Taeyong was worried about you.”

“There’s no need.” Jaehyun brushes it off and tries to keep his voice steady. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well.” Doyoung is still scanning his face. “Busy since I left with Taeyong.”

“That’s good.” Jaehyun feels bitterness curl into a knot deep down in his stomach. He flattens his bracelets against his wrist. “Well, it was nice seeing you, I’ve got to go, Johnny’s probably looking for me.”

Jaehyun tries to keep his breathing steady as he walks back down the hallway back, scanning the crowd for Johnny’s lanky frame. 

“I saw him leaving with Ten.” Doyoung admits a moment later, just loud enough for Jaehyun to hear him over the pouding music. Jaehyun’s ears burn with embarrassment. 

“Oh. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Why don’t you want to talk to me?” Jaehyun turns his head in surprise, and is met with Doyoung’s unflinching stare. 

“You’re busy.” Jaehyun replies after a charged pause, too short to be genuine and too long to be casual.

“So are you.” 

At this, Jaehyun looks down at his hands. The thundering bass and the crowd’s shrieks engulf the silence. His bracelets are overlapping again, so he smooths them down, fidgeting with the individual links before a slender hand is placed over them, stilling Jaehyun’s trembling fingers. Cool fingers tilt Jaehyun’s face back up and he finds himself falling, falling, into the gentle, black depths.

“Jae, tell me what’s wrong.”

***

It’s raining again. The moonlight reflects off the full droplets clinging onto the windows of the cafe. It’s empty, but Jaehyun hasn’t felt this full in a long time. Doyoung is sitting across from him, hands around a mug of green tea, too-long denim sleeves around his hands. He nods, listening, absorbing, as Jaehyun clumsily attempts to match words to the chaotic swirl of emotions he’s been bottling up for the past month. There’s a reason he doesn’t write lyrics.

“And I haven’t been able to sing either.” Jaehyun says quietly. It’s the first time he’s actually said it out loud and he moves to pull at his bracelets.

“Oh Jaehyun,” Doyoung breathes, reaching out to catch Jaehyun’s hands in his before he can hide them under the table. “I’m so sorry.”

Jaehyun inhales before looking at Doyoung, whose dark eyes are welling with sadness. Jaehyun shakes his head. 

“It’s not your fault.” _I just can’t seem to let you go._

It’s a while before Jaehyun speaks again, having lost himself in the gentle, absentminded strokes of Doyoung’s fingers on the back of his hand. 

“It’s late, we should get going.” 

Doyoung nods reluctantly. “If you need to. Perks of working for your best friend: rules are suggestions and you can’t really get in trouble.” He tries for a smile.

There’s a hint of dimples on Jaehyun’s cheeks as they walk out of the cafe together. 

***

“Are you happy?” Jaehyun asks.

Doyoung startles, taken aback by the sudden question. “Yeah, I think so.”

Jaehyun turns away from the neon sign illuminating the front of the building and smiles so sweetly, with so much sadness. “Good.” he says with finality before slipping into the club, leaving Doyoung alone and confused, with the strangest feeling of regret in his chest. 

It starts to drizzle.

***

“Do you think Jaehyun could write for me again?” Doyoung asks a few days later, spinning around in Taeyong’s chair.

Taeyong blinks as he walks into his office and takes a seat on the couch, setting his coffee on the low table.

“You want Jaehyun to write for you?”

“Well, could he?” Doyoung twirls a pen through his fingers.

“Sure, I’d have to check with the old company about his contract though.”

Doyoung gets up, satisfied. “Okay. You’ll let me know what he says?”

“Of course.”

***

A few weeks later, Jaehyun is in the middle of sketching down a new idea, when he’s called up to the executive offices. Despite its pristine professionality, SH Entertainment is a tight-knit, relaxed company, so Jaehyun’s not worried, only slightly confused. He hums as he scribbles down the last few notes of the melody before padding out of his studio and down the hallway.

In the elevator, Jaehyun glances at his reflection in the metal walls, ruffling his hair and straightening out his hoodie before a cheery _ding!_ announces his arrival. The CEO had called him, possibly to discuss his upcoming contract renewal.

Jaehyun knocks twice before letting himself into Suho’s office. Once Jaehyun has closed the door behind him, Suho stands up from his desk, with a broad smile on his face. But Jaehyun freezes at the two figures rising from the couch. 

“Jaehyun! Glad you could make it, come sit, come sit. Isn’t this a lovely surprise?” 

Jaehyun walks stiffly towards Suho’s desk and gingerly sits on the edge of an armchair. Those are definitely blue streaks in Doyoung’s hair. They’re beautiful in the midday sun.

“We were just discussing how phenomenal your last collaboration was - not only was Blue an artistic masterpiece, but it performed so well on the charts too!”

Taeyong nods in agreement. “It’s rare that such an unconventional song gains mass public support.”

“Exactly!” Suho gazes fondly at Jaehyun and Doyoung. “I know I’ve said it a million times, but all of you make me so proud.”

Jaehyun smiles warmly. He genuinely loves working here, alongside family. He glances over and sees Doyoung and Taeyong wearing genuine smiles identical to his.

“Once family, always family,” Suho continues, “but as for business, CEO Lee of TY Tracks has formally requested a collaboration with SH Entertainment’s Jung Jaehyun on behalf of his artist, Kim Doyoung.”

Jaehyun whips his head around to stare at Doyoung, who’s still looking at Suho but Jaehyun can see the corner of his lips melting into a soft smile.

“I’m sure you’d like to work with Doyoung again, Jaehyun, I remember you telling me how organically everything came to you both.” Jaehyun blushes, ears turning red. Suho really is the company’s embarrassing dad. “And since your contract renewal is coming up soon, I’m willing to be flexible with the details, so don’t worry about the paperwork and logistics, I’ll take care of that.”

Doyoung’s full-on beaming now. He turns to look hopefully at Jaehyun, and oh, how could Jaehyun ever say no to him?

“I’d love to,” Jaehyun says, still gazing at Doyoung, watching a smile that rivals the midday sun stretch across his face. And Doyoung’s eyes are as gentle as ever, gleaming with hope and determination. “I’d love to.”

***

“I like this a lot.” Ten says as he hands Jaehyun’s earbud back. “It’s still Jung Jaehyun, but it’s so different from anything you’ve written before.”

Jaehyun smiles. “Good.” 

“Look at you,” Ten coos, reaching to poke Jaehyun’s dimples, “so grown up now. SH’s prodigy has turned into a true genius composer.”

Jaehyun bats his hand away. “Not a genius. I’m too reliant on experiences.”

“But that’s what makes your music so genuine. And you proved that you can dig your way out of slumps to be reborn, like a phoenix!”

Jaehyun laughs and rolls his eyes. “Stop being dramatic, hyung!”

Jaehyun laughs harder, clutching his stomach as Ten gets to his feet and pretends to fly around the dance studio. The late morning sunlight filters in through the windows and bounces off the mirror-lined walls, filling the room with brightness.

***

It’s 2 am in Jaehyun’s studio again. This time, he’s finished recording Doyoung’s first album since leaving SH Entertainment. They’ve written and produced every track together, and Jaehyun almost cried when Doyoung’s angelic voice filled his studio again. 

Doyoung had laughed at him but ruffled his hair affectionately. “You missed me that much?”

“Of course,” Jaehyun had replied easily. “It was like you’d taken everything away from me”

Now they’re laying across the couches, the window propped open to let in the cool night breeze, the scent of rain lingering in the fresh air.

“I’m happy you left,” Jaehyun says, turning towards Doyoung.

“Me too.” Doyoung cranes his neck to gaze deep into Jaehyun’s eyes.

“But don’t leave again.”

“I won’t.”

***

_Stay awhile, stay awhile_

_Stay here with me_

_Lay here with me_

**Author's Note:**

> it rained for a week in socal!!1!1! also this is my first fic ever, so i'm so happy and thankful you made it down here
> 
> [twt](https://twitter.com/chensdaes)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/chensdaes)


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